The Home Stretch Part III: Khalas

My last week here was spent in something of a finals/Christmas fervor.  It’s mostly all a blur but I remember that, among other things, I went to see the Cairo Choral Society’s performance of Handel’s Messiah in its entirety. The Soprano soloist was phenomenal (and the only one other than the concertmaster to get a bio in the program haha).

They had three child soloists do “And Suddenly..” and it was... cute.. but they cracked and I would have preferred to hear it on the Soprano, which is, to the best of my knowledge, who it was originally written for.

The kids

 Later in the week (or earlier?) I was presented with the singular opportunity to buy... a Christmas tree!!!

 

The snazzy establishment

It’s so amazing and I love it. To date its decorations include: A Charlie Brown Star made from yellow paper off my legal pad..

Making the Charlie Brown star

... an Easter bunny angel, a long broken necklace (trim!), a short unbroken necklace (more trim), beautiful pink and silver ornaments that I bought with the tree (the lone legitimate decorations) aaand my red scarf as the tree skirt thing (complements of Rohit and Anisha).

 

It feels so Christmas-y in the apartment now!! 

Thank you Mido for your excellent bargaining skills and for telling everyone I’m Egyptian.

Success! 

 Poor timing though it was, last Monday I was blessed with the presence of two of my very own Hopkins colleagues, Dylan Cowart and Christine Fiedler. Unfortunately I’m super lame and was desperately trying to write one of those last minute papers of mine so I couldn’t exactly devote my full attention to them. We were able to share a few beverages together though and all in all it was just lovely to see some familiar faces again.

And finals came, and finals went.

In celebration of them going, on Saturday evening I ended up at the German bakery in Zamalek (we're regular customer there for the purchase of German pretzels) which was decked out for Christmas.

I then continued on to relaxing at khan al-khalili with some tea, shisha and friends. Which provides a pretty appropriate segue into the truly final leg of my Cairo adventures: Christmas shopping in the Khan al-Khalili. It inadvertently began that night. I just meant to be looking around and before I knew it I was in a scary back room full of merchandise (reminiscent of that one time on Canal street....) I can’t actually spill too much because then you all will know what I got you for Christmas, but just know that most of the shopping involved me being a quiet Egyptian girl pointing at what I wanted while I let (a) real Egyptian(s) do all the heavy bargaining on my behalf.  You can buy A LOT with $200 using this method. I went back the next day to get whatever I hadn’t already got, and khalas.

On Monday I took my last final, made a few last Christmas stops on my way home from University, showered and packed my stuff and was chauffeured in style to the Airport. Predictably it was something of a hellish experience and, even more predictably, I was the only standby denied entry to the flight. Well second trys the charm when it comes to this trip, so tonight I should finally be headed home. Expect a full run down in my epilogue, to be written upon my arrival in 76137.

Home Stretch Part II: Lauren and Marlene’s Sandy Adventure

As luck would have it, a couple Thursdays ago I was refused entry onto the bus because I was partaking of an ice cream sundae. So while I was finishing it up, my long lost friend Jacob, from the Luxor-Aswan days, showed up out of nowhere. After a bit of conversation I learned that he and a few others were heading to the Black and White desert over the weekend for a camping trip. Whether out of politeness or genuine friendly interest, he invited me along. Just so I’d have something to blog about of course, I readily assented. While the trip wasn’t exactly as planned as I would have liked (no bus tickets, no desert guide, no nothing) we all had smiles on our faces and extra pairs of underwear. We could have conquered anything. Of course things started going wrong almost immediately. To begin with, our plans to show up at the bus station and buy our tickets in the morning were hastily scrapped when we found out all the tickets had been sold. We rushed to another station about 15 minutes away to see if their portion of the tickets were sold as well, but by the time we arrived the bus had left. Lucky for us, this bus station number two is also a general rallying point for the microbuses of Cairo and we tried our luck at securing a mini bus to Bahariyya oasis, the departure point for trips into the desert.

Waiting to get a mini-bus

Thanks to the excellent Arabic skills of a certain Mido (being Egyptian helps with that..) we/he eventually worked through a number of unforgiving drivers till about two hours later we nearly secured passage on a private minibus for Le450. Unfortunately at around the same time Jacob had utilized his fallback and called a tour operator who arrived on the scene and got us a Le500 minibus and a arranged for two guides with 4x4’s to meet us when we arrived in Bahariyya. I can’t really complain. So a few hours, some snacks and an unsuccessful nap later we roll into the ‘oasis’ and are met by a couple of really beat up Jeeps which hastily whisked us away into the black and white deserts. 

Getting Whisked

As handy as I like to think I am with the English language I think this short clip will give you the most accurate idea of what our desert romp was really like. These guys are wayy too handy with their 4x4's.

Brief intro to the whole black and white desert thing. Both desert areas are part of Egypt's Western desert. The Black desert is so called because of the layers of black debris left by previous volcanic activity. You know you're in the Black desert because the entire place appears to be covered with crumbled oreos. The white desert is the pristine opposite of the black. The sand is so ridiculously fine and soft and large white cusps of chalk rise up out of the ground all over the place. Some of the more giant ones have been shaped by wind and sand over the years creating some pretty sick rock formations- the major appeal of the place.

I think this one was called the chicken? 

After watching the sunset from the top of the hill featured in the above video we scurried off to a nice flat space to make camp...

 

Sunset in the desert. Jealous?

In no time at all our bedouin guides had erected what at least amounts to a 4 star establishment using only their cars, some tapestries and a few blankets. While this was going on I wasted no time in plopping myself down on the sand and basically just staring at the sky. I was feeling a little Lion King-esque, but no seriously guys I have never seen this many stars in my entire life. There a like 12 dippers of varying sizes out there. I even saw the milky way, for the first time ever. Oh, and Orion’s bow? Yeah, I saw it, no big deal (=REALLY FRICKIN HUGE DEAL) On the one hand I wish I could have captured this on film, on the other hand, you punks are just gonna have to see it for yourselves one day.

Around this time the desert, as it is wont to do, started to turn deathly cold. We did our best to huddle around the campfire and entertain eachother while our Bedouins cooked some delicious foods. I remember sharing a lot of entertaining stories, I just don’t remember what they were.

Campire and accommodations in background

Badi shwaya Our delicious meal was ready and we eagerly sat down to consume our chicken, rice, and tomato-potato soupy delicious stuff. Maybe we were just starving... but that was one of the best meals ever. I think there were potato chips involved too. There usually are.

After the meal we migrated back toward the fire where the guides made some tea to pass around that was so sweet it actually made my teeth hurt. I had three cups. Our time around the fire was most memorably marked by song time, complete with tabla and balady tunes. Once our Bedouins got tired of us not knowing any songs we all slowly began to pitch in our own cultural musical contributions. Which is how I ended up in a desert in the middle of Egypt singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with a couple Christians, four Muslims, a Hindu, and a Jew. Add Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire and I’ll be Home for Christmas and it was certainly an experience I won’t be forgetting soon. Eventually it was time to head bed-wards and I walked across the icy sand, cringing, to finish putting on every single item of clothing I’d brought with me, and some of Mido’s too. All in all I had on about 5 layers up top, I think 4 on bottom, a scarf, and a pair of socks (thanks, big guy!) Of course as was bound to happen eventually, nature called, and while I try to refrain from sharing my defecation stories with you, I just want everyone to know that not only did I walk about 10 minutes to get to a spot that felt private enough to dig a hole and ‘go’ in, but that I’ve had to pee in a lot, and I mean A LOT of strange places since my arrival in Egypt, and this was by far the most magical of them all. If I hadn’t had tp with me though it would have sucked. Because not even billions of divinely beautiful stars can make up for the need to air dry in below freezing weather.  TMI mumkin? Sorry.

Back at the campsite, we were each issued one camel hair blanket and one fluffy sleeping bag. While some of us could have fit ourselves in them twice (Nitasha), and others just plain didn’t fit at all (Mido), most of us managed to cover most ourselves with some ounce of cloth and in the freezing cold, under the stars, we attempted to sleep. Attempted. I woke up what felt like every 30 minutes wishing for either the morning or a quick death. Mostly the quick death.  When I was not being suicidal however I’m told I was busy kicking off all my blankets, thankfully a special someone was there to throw my blankets back on. Thanks you. Eventually I opened my eyes for the millionth time and was a little jolted because everything was red. Ahh said I, and removed the red blanket from over my face. Sun! At last! I was the second one up guys, can you believe it? Mostly because I was too cold to stay supine any longer, I spent a few minutes trying, unsuccessfully, to regain feeling in my extremities then just gave up and went off to find Jacob, the first one up. He was, predictably, off taking pictures, so I joined him and we opted for a rather long Bollywood style photo shoot, not returning from our adventures till breakfast had been lain on the table. Whether from the cold or some unsatisfactorily prepared chicken the night before my stomach was in major revolt mode and I just sat by waiting to depart (I took a piece of bread though, just in case. Oh and some cheese, because its not cool to waste that stuff).  We wended our way back from where we came from with a few variations and quite a few more stops which took us to some terribly photographable places...

...including one hike up a semi treacherous hill-mountain thing. It was awesome. There were those little piles of stones from all the people who’d made it to the top.

Made it!

            Eventually we made it back to the town proper, but not without getting stuck in the sand first...

... And right outside what I think was a guard tower that we weren't supposed to be driving around...

We paid the drivers, bought some snacks, and headed back to Cairo. The next morning marked the beginning of the end of my semester at AUC and was fun filled with rehearsals and quizzes. I’ll save the remaining events for my last post, which will come before I actually depart Cairo Inshallah.  

Home Stretch Part I: Fancy Duds

It’s a shame that only now, on the eve of my departure from this great nation of subsidized goods, have I realized the true function of my blog all along: not merely to document those activities worth documenting, but to ensure that I am actually regularly engaging in such activities. As will shortly become shockingly evident, to the latter point’s end, the blog has failed me. I fear that I have, in fact, wasted some of my time here in Egypt. The shortage in my list of noteworthy activities can, however, be attributed to two things: A well nurtured fear of the notorious Bedouin Kursi i.e. Bedouin chair a la aforementioned train ride from Luxor (Have I become a comfort first traveler?!), and secondly, my arrival at the adjustment phase of the culture shock process; I think I might feel so at home here now that sometimes I forget I’m supposed to be exploring.  All of that being said, allow me to delve into some of the more photographable events of the last month or so.

Shortly following my last post of just over a month ago was the start of the Eid al Adha, or, the feast of the sacrifice. This is a Muslim holiday celebrating the decision of Abraham to obey God by sacrificing his only son. In commemoration of the fact that God said jk at the last minute and had Abraham sacrifice a lamb instead, everyone sacrifices and feasts on lamb during the Eid. Blood runs in the streets of Cairo, amusing cartoons depicting terrified sheep are printed in the local papers, and everyone gets a week off from work and classes. No one does much of anything except for the butchers and felluca captains.

Rather than do the smart thing and plan an exotic trip to some nearby country, or a different city even, I sat back on my haunches and observed the transformation of Cairo during the Eid. Large families of ghetto Egyptians pile into microbuses and flood into the city to treat themselves to a night on the town, some ice cream for the wife, toys for the kids. Intimidating groups of gangly youths with their hair slicked back stand on the corniche gently harassing out of towners and passers by. Its like regular Cairo with the population and cars multiplied. All the rich people leave the city, all the poor ones enter, and traffic is abominable (except on Kobry October, which Mido drove over multiple times during the Eid just to feel the wind on his head).

My rhythm during the week resembled finals period, but without the stress. I stayed up all night smoking and talking with friends then slept all day, woke up around 5 or 6, spent some time with my pals Sean T. and P90X, then did it all over again. To break up the rhythm were a few things, including a visit to Cairo tower, and seeing The Social Network and Arry Botter with Arabic subtitles. At Cairo tower, rather than pay the extremely high price charged to foreigners as opposed to Egyptians, I successfully imitated an Egyptian and entered for about Le30 (well really I entered for free since I was accompanied my an Egyptian male and they never let you pay for anything yourself). We arrived at the perfect time and got to see the city just as the sun was going down, intensely cool. 

 

The tower from the bottom, complete with proud Egyptian eagle. Do they even have Eagles here?

Look carefully, those are the pyramids in the background!

Al Ahly practicing! Just a bit too cool.

To complete the near perfect evening, I went to Chili’s, yes, Chili’s (there was Texas stuff errywhere), ordered a Cobb salad, and consumed my fried chicken and beef bacon in ecstasy. 

At some point during the week one of my shisha expeditions took me to an empty alleyway of the Khan al Khalili where I stole a few choice night shots of some of the oldest mosques in Cairo and what remains of the wall that surrounded the old city. 

Bab al Futuh, built in 1087 AD

Empty street along the northern edge of the khan

masgid?

Immediately following the Eid I had to complete a couple papers for class. I turned them both in on time (it was like high school all over again!) and then slumped back into the boring cycle of things. As invigorating as some of the coursework here is, it’s no Hopkins. I’ll admit that I’m pretty bored most of the time (so I better get all A’s right?). Just know, Johnny Hopkins, if you’d actually get your act together and invest in a real Arabic program, and a real Middle Eastern studies professor (let alone a department or program), I’d come back to you in a heartbeat. Till then I’ll gamble on this place.

Speaking of this place, I got a new place. Discouraged by the lack of suitable apartments in Cairo, we slowly gave up on moving, until one day a magical email came through on the CairoScholars Listserv advertising a beautifully renovated apartment of the same architectural background as our own, in a more convenient location and for a reasonable price. We immediately went to see it. Same high ceilings and wooden floors, with fresh tiling and paint, a working elevator, attentive bowab, and a mosque only 1/16^th the size of the old one next door. Friends, it was love at first sight. As if all this wasn’t enough, we soon discovered that the landlady was in fact a cousin of Alison’s boyfriend (Armenians are not unlike Mexicans in this regard), and therefore much more favorably inclined toward us than the replacements the previous tenant had handpicked. A few minor squabbles and an incredible amount of cash later, the apartment was ours.

A brief tour:

When you walk in the front door..

 ..Then turn right..

..Then turn around..

..then keep turning..

..then walk forward and turn around again..

hamam

Küche

More to follow. 

This is only an account of a few weeks from the last month. I'm gonna go all wikileaks and carefully time the release of my material so as to do my adventures justice. That and I have no internet in the new apartment yet so I'm posting all this from the bus that transports me between downtown and my desert school. The next post is mostly written though so check back in a couple days for events even better than these! Plus I'm leaving in about a week so I have alot of material to cram into a small period of time...

Vignettes and recollections

On clothing:

My conscientious objection to fashion in general is severely under-appreciated here. I actually have to wear real clothes on a regular basis, and its really starting to hurt my soul. I miss my sweatpants and t-shirts. I never liked to think of myself as frumpy per se.. I'm  just.. comfortable at heart. Real clothes are for real occasions, and I'm just not one to think of every day as a real occasion. That and I'm running out of new outfits. Everyone has already seen all the clothing I have to offer. Even if I wanted to switch things up, I really couldn't. I have some initial thoughts as to why the pressure is on here and not at home, but I don't really consider them particularly pc so I'll just leave them in my head for now.

On food:

• Well, the bread diet ended. Not really sure what it was supposed to accomplish anyway, but I don't think it worked. Not that I was so strict about it anyway (Friday night shwarma and the brownie incident?).

• I've always had a healthy appetite for tea, and it has only increased since I arrived here. I'm still not sure why that is exactly, but I think its something to do with the fact that at least the tea isn't water (eh almost).  Now, as result of this increased tea consumption, my tastes have become ( I hope) somewhat more refined and I've started to notice that tea here just hasn't been tasting good. I'm not sure if this is because I've gotten pickier or because the water here just tastes horrible, but I'm leaning toward the latter. I've also finally invested in some Twinings instead of the usual Lipton, which i've heard actually tastes like dirt to those who know any better.

• I made basboussa last night! (bread based.....) I didn't keep it in the oven long enough, so it wasn't all pretty and brown on top like its supposed to be, but I thought it was pretty ok (for having come from a box..) 

- Some culinary truisms:

• If the recipe starts out with you whipping butter and sugar together, you have to be an idiot to not produce something delicious.
• Add lemon to anything, anything, and it will taste better.
• Pending further experimentation, the same miiiight be true of plain yogurt.

On society and entertainment:

I have been blessed thus far with the company of particularly pleasing set of individuals. They are friendly, helpful, attractive, and fantastic dancers, diners, and bowlers. May things always be so easy, because God knows I'm not one to put forth the effort usually required to make lasting friends. I have that whole foreign advantage thing here, but it's something that I still have yet to see as more of a blessing than a curse.

-This week:

• More bowling!

Its all about the shoes. We got mad style. Furthermore, I got velcro. 

Probably my best bowling score ever. Nothing like a little competition to improve accuracy.(Click to enlarge) 

• I had to evaluate a 'traditional Arab music' performance for class, so I attended a performance by the Sharara Sextet, which was taking place as part of the 19th Annual Conference and Festival of Arab Music at the Cairo Opera House. I was accompanied by my spectacularly attired partner in crime, Mido, and we took the place by storm. No pictures of how good we looked, unfortunately, but you can use your imagination.

I have the utmost respect for soloists who direct, while soloing, as effectively as this guy.

• I went to a fashion show tonight, but didn't take any pictures because I was a little.. distracted..

On my sanity:

I had a dream Sunday night that I was washing some Egyptian's car in the street under my building (it looked eerily similar to the car I dropped a broom on) and that a bunch of interns were jeering me from the top of the next building, asking me why I was here. But I couldn't answer them. Just mumbled something about applying for an internship next summer and they all stood around and shook their heads like mhmm sure you did. (All the interns were Asian by the way, not sure if thats relevant)

~

Continuity aside, the thought processes presented here should give you a pretty good idea of how my weeks in general are going nowadays. Mix in a few house parties, laundry, some Egyptian drama, fresh juice and authentic German pretzels, and you're all caught up with the life of Lauren.

Garbage: A Unifying Theme (Boo!)

I'm still recovering from the last few days so knowing just where to begin today's story is proving a little difficult, but by golly I'll do my best.

At some point this week I went shopping for food. Still doing the no bread thing, so I stocked up on tomatoes, (the obvious bread substitute) which are at an all time crisis-worthy high price of 8-12 egp/kilo. I sucked it up though and bought exactly one kilo. I expect to run out in the next few days because, lets face it, tomatoes are delicious, and my stomach is a black hole for delicious things. Ask anyone.

The week gained momentum on Wednesday night, when Mostafa was scheduled to take me to see another apartment that Anna and Alison had already seen. We arrived, and the apartment's current tenant was horrified at our presence because apparently the landlord failed to let her know we were coming. That and I'm pretty sure she had a customer inside, if ya know what I mean. I'm actually glad not to have seen or taken the place, because living in an ex-prostitutes house is never advisable. Gonorrhea on the toilet seat. Randy men knocking at the door at strange hours. That kinda thing. So we instead went to look at another place that had just opened up. Equally unsatisfactory, but all this apartment hunting has made me truly appreciate what I sweet deal we have now. Having completed these exercises and in the spirit of true camaraderie, I accompanied Moustafa in the role of 'voice of female reason' as he finished up birthday shopping for his girlfriend. I find this conversation excerpt to be an accurate summary of the evening:

Moustafa: Should I get her a teddy bear??

Me: Well does she like teddy bears....

Moustafa: No

Me: ...........................

Karim was our faithful chauffeur for the evening so he deserves a medal and a mention too. In reality, we all love Moustafa and would of course do anything for him.

__________________

This is one of those rare instances where I actually have something entertaining to report about things happening at AUC. As I was walking through campus on Thursday I noticed that the place was starting to look remarkably similar to Cairo proper:

See the similarities now?

Further sleuthing on my part revealed that the workers on campus were in fact on strike.

Productivity

en masse

Just in case things get out of control

I've heard a number of explanations for the strike so far, but the gist of it is that on top of getting paid only Le650/month, the workers are now being required to pay for their healthcare out of pocket(Le200/month), and I believe there's something about the worker's cafeteria being shut down as well. So they're right pissed and are sitting on the ground to show it. As are a number of students who, in addition to skipping class 'to support the workers' have thrown even greater amounts of trash on the ground than they normally would to show how desperately we need garbage men. At least thats what some of them said. I think its pretty obvious that in reality the concepts of the trashcan and personal accountability for one's own waste have yet to sink in with the majority of the Egyptian population. Thats what the garbage men are for, right?

After the excitement of the strike, which, for all I know, is still going on, more on that later, Moustafa picked me up after school and we went on a surprise visit to see one more apartment. Getting there was half the battle since Cairo streets make no sense and Mostafa admittedly doesn't know Downtown quite like he knows Zamalek. After this adventure I was dropped off and given approximately 2 hours to get ready for the opening festivities of Halloween weekend in Egypt. For a number of reasons including but not limited to my lack of flat stomach, non-conservative clothing, and female friends, I decided to go with my 'cold hooker' outfit (long sleeves and tights!). In the process of getting ready, I somehow convinced myself that, given enough stretch of the imagination, in my dress I bore a striking resemblance to:

Snooki, queen of mush mush.

So, daringly, I set out into the night. Ready to fist pump my way into people's hearts alongside my trusty sidekicks:

Batman

The Smegals (Old Men)

Grandpa

And the Rabbi (alongside another smegal)

As I understood it, we were supposed to go to a house party, but in true Egyptian style we ended up somewhere else completely. So the first few hours of the night were spent at the Swiss Club. A large grassy area with some nice clubhouses. This night featured a variety of interesting costumes, from cat woman to cardboard robots. Highlights include: my camera getting lifted in the bathroom by a drunk, anorexic French woman, pure luck led me to her and my camera was returned; the Rabbi making peace with a Scottish Khalif:

Khalif and the Rabbi, peace at last

And my extra large can of Stella. It was its own highlight. Post dancing I took a rest in the garden..

Snook takes a break

After the Swiss club we made a brief stop at the house party that we'd originally intended to go to, hiked up 15 flights of stairs, bumbled around for about 20 minutes during which time I met a Snooki who's poof rivaled mine (but hers was a wig psh). I also had the rare privilege of witnessing a meeting of the prophets

The Rabbi, Jesus Christ, and the French Mohammad

In glorious conclusion to the evening we went to pottery cafe where chivalry lives on in the form of the quesadilla that the boys purchased for me. I fell asleep promptly afterward and woke up around 2 the next day. After a few hours of feeble attempts at pulling my life together I got a desperate call from Mostafa around who needed help with a project for a certain lady friend of his. He came over and, thanks to some generous helpings of tea (a few pots), in about two hours we threw together a soundtrack and managed something of a three legged finish to his adorable homemade video. Unfortunately at around the same time, we needed to be getting ready for Halloween part II, so Mostafa, and Mido, who had joined us somewhere in the middle of the project-rush (it was all a blur), went to procure some appropriate outfits while I was busy painting my face Gaga style (more on this later). We then set out into the night. As neither of these fine young gentleman had a car on them (still not sure why) we attempted to get a cab, but since they were dressed like this....

I dare you to find a finer set of garbage men on the streets of Cairo!

... we had some issues getting one (no one wants to pick up garbage men apparently). It probably doesn't help that Mostafa was really getting into character

Finally though we managed to get a cab and took it to a place nearby where there was a real car waiting for us. What followed next was, unbeknownst to any of us, one of the worst decisions of the evening. We squeezed ourselves into the back of a car with a couple other guys, Mostafa's friends I guess, one of whom ended up being drunk (I didn't know this till we were past the point of no return, that point being Cairo city limits) and proceeded to wander around the highways of Cairo trying to find some party in Saqqara. Note that the original plan was to attend the U.S. Embassy party, but for one reason or another that got nixed. Once we were on the way to Alexandria (FYI: Saqqara is NOT on the way to Alexandria) someone had the bright idea to suggest a turnaround, so, because its an Egyptian highway, and you can't turn around on those, we drove for another God knows how many minutes and eventually managed to turn around. Not before stopping twice to 'wait' for someone to come show us where to go, or to call us and tell us where to go. I honestly have no idea what was going on or what the stops were about. What I DO know, however, is that those multiple pots of tea had taken their toll and my bladder had reached full capacity. After almost accepting Mostafa's offer to let me pee on his leg (there are no limits to Mostafa's chivalry) rather than leave a permanent mark on the drunk guys car, we happened to stop for no reason at all, at which point Mostafa, in his garbageman garb, made friends with some garage workers on the side of the highway...

down there....

And I, in my desperation, descended these very stairs..

And emptied my bladder in a hole in the ground in the back of an impoverished Egyptian's garage. Dressed like Lady Gaga. I'm actually glad I don't have a picture of it; just know that the toilet on the train back from Luxor was 5 stars compared to my experience last night.

Soo about two hours later we ended up back downtown. Where we'd started. But rather than give up, (oh why didn't we give up!) we decided to engage in Mission Saqqara Party Round II. Our driver had sobered up at this point so we figured we had a fighting chance. Plus there was another car involved now, and everyone knows its more comforting to get lost in a caravan. The bright side of all of this was of course that when you spend enough time sitting in the back of a car with someone, doing absolutely nothing, you get to know them fairly well- Mido and I are now pretty tight. Don't mess with us. Needless to say, we got lost again, but at least we were closer to our destination when we got lost this time. We turned around and tried again, and this time, huzzah! Success! Marked only by the fact that we got stopped and patted down by Egyptian cops at a checkpoint (not me) because one kid had cigarette papers in his paper. And what are cigarette papers used for? Rollin hash. And you know those Egyptian cops love them some hash. So they broke the entire car down looking for it and were very sad when they didn't find any. But it was ok, nothing could dampen our spirits now.. the party was so close! Cover was supposed to be Le 200 or something like that, but Sakka has amazing relations with the powers that be and we all walked in free and unscathed (at least I did...). Free food, free drinks, free dancing on this killer stage:

At the end of an experience like this, pictures say it best:

aaaand the winner (click to enlarge)

About an hour, a drink, (a) kofta, and few choice photos later, I was returned to my humble abode where I was faced with a troubling reality, which is best expressed mathematically:

+

=

I know what you're thinking, 'surely Lauren wouldn't be stupid enough to use Crayola marker on her face in her desperation to bear a striking resemblance Lady Gaga'. Yeah.... about that.....

+

FACE

=

Sooo..... the next morning I did some research, scrambled around and using my most sincere efforts, QED'd the following:

+

=

The butter was really the crux of the whole thing. Never again, Crayola!! I wrapped up the weekend by starting my new babysitting job (hence the desperation over removal of the crayola bolt) and thereby returning myself to normalcy.

Egypt Week 10, yalla!!

UPDATE:

Am I incredibly unoriginal or what? 

N.B. Comments give me the will to continue and are much appreciated from people of all size, shapes, relations, and distances. Show your love, comment!